Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
