I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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