Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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