Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You may now shotgun with the bride
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
