After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
