I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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