you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
