In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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