imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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