the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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