I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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