I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
