she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
