Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You ruined the universe
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
