About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
