Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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