i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
