I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
