i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
