either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
