She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
