What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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