Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
