my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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