every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
