The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
