What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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