i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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