dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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