The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
