Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
