I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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