I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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