Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
