just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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