I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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