I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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