I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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