if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
