so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
