wat bout pragnant strippers??
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
