go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
