its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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