so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
