Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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