just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
