I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
