FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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