He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
