Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
