Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
