Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
