How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
