I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
