weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
