Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
