i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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