Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i was born a porn star she said
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
