Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
