Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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