dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
