Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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