This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
