are you still at the devil's house?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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