If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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