Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize