Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I cut my penus on the lid.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
