Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
