I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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