you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
